Fulcrum
by Virtute et Armis
Summary: Life is a delicate balance. One that Sasuke finds can be lost all too quickly. Sasuita, noncon
1. Introduction

A one-shot written in 10 minutes. I was avoiding homework, which seems to be my routine up here in college. I was so good in high school, what happened?

Anyway, **Warnings**: incest, nonconsensual, too sexy of characters to be in a story together

I hope you like it, I may add more and develop a two-shot. I don't know.

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

There is a fulcrum within every system. The balances will sway- spinning and shuddering upon this supporting structure. Wear, tear, and erosion lead to this fulcrum eventually breaking. And then what's left? Only the heavy weights that balanced either side and the plank connecting them. Atop a pile of rubble are two equal parts and one, thin connection.

Sasuke can feel it, the dirt and grit beneath him. He can smell it in the air too, the heavy stench of sweat and fear. Sitting on his bed, he watches his door with rapt attention. He has been doing so for hours. Sasuke wants the knob to turn, for some presence to break this limbo he's in. He's here, but he's not. Fingers digging into his scalp, scraping at black roots: I'm not real, this isn't real. But he can feel it, the horrible pressure in his groin, the potent sting of desire. Like a thousand wasps biting into the flesh of his stomach, he is rocked by sensations of driving pain.

Why won't it leave? He agonizes and, as if to mock him, the hall light flicks on outside. Itachi is up. He should be asleep, Sasuke remembers, he had finished his work much earlier in the evening. Then, Sasuke looks at his clock. Five in the morning—his brother is waking up. He prays to god now that the door won't open because he doesn't want Itachi to see him like this. In the shadows and dispossessed of his pride: an animal crouched among the midnight blue covers of his bed.

Sasuke makes out the distinct sound of water running. He heaves a sigh of relief, but that only sends a tremor of pain below. Maybe it hasn't been an hour—but the dreams have been for months. All he can do is dream of salacious acts with his kin, taking him and being taken. Sasuke groans as memories resurface, balling the comforter tighter in his white fists. He refuses to touch himself. If he doesn't feel it, if he doesn't see it: then it's not there.

After 15 minutes and a few billion thoughts of grapefruits, Sasuke sees a shadow pass by his door. He throws the blanket over his head, but can't bring himself to lie down. He just stares out from beneath his manufactured hood, watching as the wood slowly gives to the pressing hand. Then Itachi's head follows, glistening from the shower, his wet hair covering perfectly sculpted shoulders, and his blacks slacks snug on his waist. Sasuke hates him for having long hair and, thus, refusing to wear a shirt until it dries.

Itachi's face flashes recognition, which Sasuke can make out perfectly even if the light is low. Itachi can't see very much, so he slowly enters the room. "We need to talk, Sasuke," Itachi intones. Sasuke knows what it's about. He knows because he did it and then didn't have the guts to explain himself. He was all one way and then the next he was the opposite. He remembers childishly yelling that he had hated Itachi after he had just kissed him. "You're awake, right Sasuke?"

And the concern in his voice, in his carriage, in his heart just frays Sasuke's restraints all the more. The pressure he had worked to alleviate before is now building again and the natural sashay of his brother's walk is not helping. Don't come closer, he wants to warn, but his hunger only augments as the distance closes. He seems willing enough. He's practically offering himself to me. He wants me. He wants me, Sasuke convinces himself a million times over in the few seconds it takes for Itachi to sit beside him.

Then he looks into the face—the face so much like his own save for the lines of exhaustion under the eyes. He also notices how much slighter Itachi is than he and this renews Sasuke's confidence. He'll have his way, he decides selfishly, because where Itachi is selfless, Sasuke is selfish, and he can't stand waiting anymore.

Sasuke pushes forward, grabbing Itachi's wet hair with one hand and pinning his shoulder with the other. His brother begins to curse at him, but the ugly words are smothered by Sasuke's hot mouth. Sasuke can feel the lips work against his in protest, but he somehow molds the sensation into reciprocation. He rubs his hardness against his brother, the tough fabric of the slacks creating friction through his boxers. He groans into Itachi's mouth, loving the feel of Itachi's teeth as he goes to bite him. Then Itachi tries to push up and Sasuke gives a little before slamming him back down further on the bed, arcing Itachi's neck by use of his hair.

Sasuke begins to nursing the expanse of pale, smooth flesh of Itachi's neck. He can feel the vibrations from the trachea as more protests are voiced, but Itachi's getting hard now- it's beginning to become worth it now. "Sasuke, no, stop. We can't. This isn't." Itachi cries meekly, his body overwhelmed and his mind flickering. Am I dreaming? Am I awake? Is this really Sasuke?

Sasuke bites hard on the juncture between Itachi's shoulder and neck, drawing blood he mostly shares. The tang is bitter, but he sucks furiously to gain more. Sasuke feels as if all the fluid that enters his mouth goes to his groin because he gets impossibly harder. Itachi renews his struggles and Sasuke pauses to admire his brother.

Everything is silent, the darkness cradling the pale, exposed form beneath him. Itachi is winded and disheveled. His lips are bruised. His shoulder is bleeding. His neck is welting. The eyes, though, are practically glistening with the subdued tears. But in their dark pools, Sasuke can make out himself. It's not a lot; just the basic shape of his face and his hair and the bright red of blood by his mouth. The sight of the carmine streak seems to break Sasuke's stubborn, selfish possession. He looks at the wound he had just inflicted and, although shallow, his teeth had worked more furiously than he had thought. His eyes return to Itachi's face to find his older brother crying.

_Shit, what have I done?_

And much like before, Sasuke vacates his position and leaves. He retches in the bathroom, blaming the tears he sheds on the force of his vomiting. Soft sobs sound from down the hall and medical tape is being ripped in the kitchen. Sasuke shudders as he stares at the reeking mess of blood and bile in the toilet. Will Itachi continue to let him live here? Will he be kicked out?

_Can I ever be forgiven?_

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><p>Let me know what you think. The more reviews I get the more likely I may write more fanfics.<p>

I've actually been looking into some Final Fantasy VII, but I don't understand the characters too well. As much as I love ooc-ing, I would hate to destroy Cloud- he's such an awesome character.


	2. The Beginning

I added. I am actually planning to tie this story up if all goes well and my teachers don't murder me.

No incest this chapter.

The only warning is some shoddy narration because I'm too lazy to go back and give it more detail. I will, eventually.

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

Sasuke was in high school when his parents tried to get back together. They had been divorced since Sasuke could remember, which was in actuality ten years ago, and were trying to revive some of that dead love. Sasuke didn't know why and, to this day, he'd simply shrug at you. Itachi had mentioned that they were trying for economic purposes: their father's business had recently expanded and, from some still living part of his heart, he had wanted Sasuke and his mother to experience this prosperity. Sasuke still thinks it's a load of bull.

He refused to live with them.

Itachi was already in graduate school, owned his apartment, and had a decent job as a TA. He offered to board Sasuke if he worked around the apartment and kept his grades up. Sasuke had thought it an inconvenience but the lesser of two evils, so he moved in sophomore year. Living with a brother you had only seen every once in five years and had lived on separate sides of the world (Sasuke had lived in Japan, Itachi lived in Boston),was a different sort of experience.

But, much to Sasuke's later dismay, it was a good kind of different.

He had moved in on a rainy Tuesday. Sasuke had two bags: a backpack and a rolling duffle. They had once been red but were now brown because he had walked too close to a bus and his bags' color met a muddy end. He is staring at them, his lip curling unintentionally, as he waits for Itachi to buzz him in. He checks his watch; he was meant to be here at 3 and it is a quarter after. Itachi wouldn't have left just because he had been 15 minutes late, right?

Sasuke is jolted from his thoughts when someone pushes past him, some kid with blond hair knotted at the top of his head. "Outta my way," he grunts, holding an awkward shaped portfolio. Sasuke glares at the passing blond, stereotyping him as the typical, rude American.

So far, Sasuke doesn't like America. He doesn't like the disorganization, the brick sidewalks, and people honking when they drive. It's kind of hard to miss a 2 ton vehicle- no need to beep every other second. Sasuke is also not a big fan of the smell of the air. There is something in it- something he can't quite place but has definitely confronted before. He vaguely remembers his friend, Neji, having joked that America reeks of greed. Sasuke hadn't cared then- he happened to be a very selfish individual as well.

He flicks his head, tossing his bangs out of his face. Even if he is meant to have some American mentality, he is definitely not as rough around the edges as the local population. He is more refined and calculating. He stares hard at the blond who is fighting with the door, his awkward portfolio making the task difficult. Sasuke laughs a little, but then he notices Itachi maneuvering around the blond. As his older brother steps into the dismal light by the front desk, Sasuke feels a cool wash of fear rock him. He feels severely out of his element, now.

Itachi is in a white button down shirt, the top two buttons undone. His hair is messily pulled into a bun behind his head and a few stray hairs linger on his graceful, long neck. He is wearing dark washed jeans with boat shoes. Sasuke then contrasts the outfit to what he's wearing: a black Neff hoodie and jeans with wear around the cuffs. He went for comfort because he had been traveling all day, but now he regrets it. He feels so belittled as Itachi warmly touches his shoulder, pressing him towards the door.

"You're late," the older one jests as they step into the stairwell. The accusation bounces around the cement walls, unnerving the youngest individual. Itachi, noticing the awkward carriage of the other, relieves him of the duffle bag and begins hauling it up the stairs. "I really missed you, Sasuke. It's good to see you again."

Sasuke grunts, diving into his usual despondency. All his confidence is gone because he finally remembers why his parents had split in the first place.

_Just because Itachi is that smart, doesn't mean Sasuke has to be._

_ Sasuke has to act like a man, Mikoto, not some prissy boy you dress up! _

_Well Itachi doesn't have to be a cold hearted bastard like his father!_

And they split, taking one kid each. Sasuke doesn't even remember if they had a custody hearing. He just remembers hiding in the car the night before they moved because his dad was so angry he was breaking everything he could get his hands on. When Itachi called him the next day, promising to call every day from then on, he sounded like he was hurt.

Sasuke stopped worrying about him, though, because after a month he stopped calling. His mother had said it was because his father and brother had moved to America and long distance was so expensive. But Sasuke knew it was because he wasn't good enough yet to deserve any part of Itachi's attention. Not even a phone call once a year.

"I am working on dinner right now, so feel free to make yourself comfortable," Itachi directs, swinging the door open to apartment 4B. Sasuke is overcome with the smell of tomatoes and sausage; Italian food. Itachi had remembered his favorite food and Sasuke feels like even less of a man. He can never compare to his brother. So he opts for grunting as he pushes forward into the lavish living room with its white carpet and coffee colored leather couches. A glass coffee table is fitted as the focal point with a bowl of bright green apples in the center.

The kitchen lies directly behind the living room, a cut out in the wall over the counter revealing the twin ovens in the back wall and a gas stove top. It is lightly colored like the living room: oak counters and white counter tops. He can't see the floor, but can make out the stairs tucked in the back left corner.

"Upstairs is your room" Itachi mentions as he carries the duffle bag to the edge of the stairs and leaves it there. "It is the second room on the right. The bathroom is across the hall and my room is the first one on the right," he pauses, thinking of what else to add, "There's another bathroom down here, right next to you." Sasuke looks to his left and sees two doors. "The other door is a closet, feel free to put your coats and shoes in there if you want."

Sasuke nods, drinking it in slowly. He's really overwhelmed, but now he's getting comfortable, especially as he puts distance between him and Itachi. Every step he takes on the wooden stairs brings a less polluted breath of air. His lungs expand comfortably as he steps onto the carpeted, upper level. He normally isn't this uncomfortable, but his older brother's presence is just so intimidating—he hadn't expected to find himself so needlessly jealous from just looking at him. Sasuke mentally notes he has to ask about where the public library is. He'll probably spend a lot of time there. Or else he'd probably go crazy spending so much time with the deific man downstairs.

Somehow, he doubts he can put off the inevitable.

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><p>Is that an emo Sasuke I see?<p>

Well I'm not sure if he is OOC, but I think it works best with what I have so far regarding him in the plot's context. Itachi is simply beautiful, so he is obviously in character! Haha

On a personal note, I'm setting this story in Boston because that's where I'm living now. And when I mention the honking, I mean it. They honk for no reason and they honk all the time. All. The. Time. Where are my precious ZZzz's?


	3. Interlude 1

Third installment. I kind of messed up the pacing, so I'm fixing it now. This was meant to end the previous chapter, but whatever.I hope you enjoy it albeit it being very short.

**Warnings:** emo Sasuke strike again!

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

Sasuke settles into his new life slowly. He doesn't sleep for the first couple of days, but he begins to unwind. School won't start for another week and Itachi is more than happy to leave him a long list of chores. Even if he hates scrubbing the floor, hair pinned back, he is grateful to not have too much idle time. If he did he'd probably pick himself apart—how he's worthless, how he can't amount to anything—or he'd break everything that reminds him of Itachi. This bitterness is acute, but only when his brother leaves. When his brother is present, Sasuke is possessed by unadulterated admiration that he is ashamed of.

In distraction, he busies himself, nearly scoring the tile floor with the force of his strokes. Sure, Sasuke has always been highly emotional, but how can one man make him go on a feeling rollercoaster every day? How can all his barriers threaten to break by just one person's presence? Sasuke presses so hard on the brush that it stops and he nearly falls forward. He wishes he still lived with his mom, back in Japan. He wishes he didn't have to hide in his own skin with someone as perfect as Itachi.

Sasuke feels the tears, hot and abrasive on his cheeks. He swipes at them, but they keep coming. As if to mock him, the front door opens and Itachi steps within. A horrible sob breaks past Sasuke's quivering lips and he can vaguely make out himself saying how he hates it here. Itachi is there in seconds, picking his limp brother up, and maneuvering him to the nearby stairs. He sits beside the shaking form of his younger brother, rubbing his back and pressing him to his chest.

"It's okay," Itachi reassures, mumbling into the midnight tresses. Sasuke tries half-heartedly to push his older brother away, but the warmth doesn't give. Itachi only holds him tighter, fingers digging a little deeper into the knotted muscles. Sasuke feels the tears subside, but the sadness doesn't. He nuzzles closer into the forgiving, familiar heat. "I'm always here for you, Sasuke. And I know it's tough, but you're tough, too."

The baritone notes of Itachi's voice sooth the final frays in Sasuke's nerves. His brother tenderly removes the pins from Sasuke's hair, running a hand caringly through the loosened locks. The slight tug on his scalp makes Sasuke nearly hum with satisfaction. Once again, Sasuke is merely putty in his brother's hands as they sit on the stairs, Itachi whispering soft reassurances and Sasuke basking in the glow of the intermittent praise.

"I'll always love you." Itachi murmurs, placing a chaste kiss on the crown of Sasuke's head. The normal adolescent response of disgust doesn't kick in and, instead, Sasuke feels a warmness blossom in his chest.

"Love you, too" he whispers back.

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><p>I hope you like this chapter or, really, part of a chapter. It's a little angsty, but Sasuke's angsty and he needs some emotion beyond following his dick or his ego.<p>

Review please 3

Also, if you want to know, the homesickness is pretty real. I just got to college like three weeks ago, and I still miss home. Not like horrible missing, but just it's weird having everything change and knowing it's never going to go back to normal. Unlike Sasuke, though, i haven't cried but my one friend did. It's tough, living on your own, and I give kudos to everyone who ever moves.


	4. The Middle 1

Longest chapter and, personally, my least favorite.

I know this story is meant to have Sasuke on a roller coaster of emotions because he's losing his 'balance', but it just seems too much in this chapter. I apologize for that.

By the way, a great song is Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas and Bad Wings by Glitch Mob. Just sayin'

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

In a year, Sasuke stops his mental reeling and has finally, fully, adapted to his new situation. He has made a good friend in school, Suigetsu, and an upperclassmen who, for some reason or other, glorifies him. Sakura, his very annoying admirer from home, has been replaced by an equally crazy Karin. She even has a similar hair color, which makes Sasuke immediately distrust anyone with dyed hair. Regardless, Sasuke is making his junior year a good year and Itachi has gotten a job at the local law firm. Even with their father offering Itachi a high position, he refuses to take it until he gets more experience in the field. "I feel as if I don't have what this company needs in an employee. In a year, maybe, but not now."

Their father understands or at least his pride in his son makes him appear complacent.

Sasuke also doesn't spend as much time as he used to at the library, but he can't truthfully say he spends more time at the apartment. For the majority of his time he's at Suigetsu's house, playing video games and picking on his older, live-in cousin, Kabuto. Kabuto is such a freak, they both have decided, and continue to mercilessly tease him. For his part, Kabuto takes the teasing in stride but mainly because he is so self-assured—his boss, Orochimaru, favors him and, to Kabuto, that makes life worth living. See? Kabuto is totally weird.

Anyway, Sasuke didn't go to Suigetsu's today because Suigetsu is technically grounded. Normally Sasuke serves as an exception to the rule, but since he had been involved in the fight that had gotten Suigetsu in detention and consequently grounded, he is not allowed over. Thusly, Sasuke finds himself walking into the needlessly neat apartment he shares with his brother, alone, at three in the afternoon.

He considers doing homework, but tosses his backpack on the couch and makes his way to the kitchen. Sasuke had done most of his work during study hall and he deserves a break. Anyway, it's been weeks since he's been in the apartment without Itachi. Itachi, the perfect older brother. Itachi the best son in the world.

Sasuke pauses by the stairs, considering his options. He can get a snack, watch TV, and be an overall benign presence. Or he can utilize these Itachi-free hours to find something to incriminate his older brother. Because Itachi can't be perfect and he just knows there's something in his room that can prove it.

The stairs groan submissively as he climbs the flight. Sasuke entertains the thoughts of what he may find—an overly emotional diary, a secret action figure collection, or sappy love poems. The door gives easily to his touch as he enters the room; a room he has only seen when in passing or when Itachi calls him in to mention something. Sometimes he came in to drop off laundry, but that was rare. Itachi preferred to take care of his own clothes.

Sasuke begins by checking under the mattress, but it turns up clean. He checks the closet: nothing. He checks the drawers: nothing. He checks the filing cabinets: nothing. Then, deciding that maybe Itachi is perfect, especially considering how organized everything is, he lays down on the pristinely white carpet. He moves a little, running his arms in the motion of making a snow angel. His finger tips brush under Itachi's comforter and he feels the back of shoes.

Intrigued, Sasuke turns over and pulls back the black blanket, noting the loafers and a pair of boat shoes. He also notices a lot of shoe boxes, which is odd considering how the majority of shoes he has seen Itachi wear appear to be outside and visible. He reaches a hand in, retrieving a box. It's a lot heavier than he had expected and the bounty within shifts. When he takes off the lid, he can't help but smile.

So Itachi likes porn?

Sasuke pulls out every box, opening them up to find dozens of porn videos. He also finds some boxes filled with mementos from, what Sasuke supposes, are lovers past. He takes care to rifle through them, noting receipts from restaurants and silly carnival toys. Then, he returns his attention to the sizable porn collection.

Sasuke pulls a box onto his lap, tucking it between his criss-crossed legs. He pulls out the movie furthest to the left so as to remember its place. He looks at the cover, prepared for something horrendously kinky, when he notices that it's dominated by guys. No girls, no transvestites even, but hard, muscled guys. Compelled, Sasuke quickly checks the covers of all the others in the box. Guys. Guys. Guys. And more guys.

His heart nearly stops. Itachi is gay? After another solid hour of checking and rechecking every video: Itachi is thoroughly gay and he must have always known. All the porn videos are of men and quite a few of bondage. Sasuke begins to laugh in slight hysteria, backwardly wishing he had decided to watch TV instead. Then the question of his own sexuality comes up and he is stunned into silence.

Sasuke checks the clock: it's only four. Itachi doesn't get home until six. His mind buzzes and, deciding that this may very well be the only time he'll have a chance, he takes the closest DVD to hand, places the rest back, and makes his way to his room.

Sasuke carefully locks the door before bringing his laptop up. He settles comfortably in his chair, unzipping his fly and pushing the DVD in. He imagines himself briefly as Itachi, getting excited, hot, and heavy for the men that are appearing on the screen. The title of the movie flashes: Alex in Wonderland. It's a bondage one because little Alex, in his blue checkered boxers, is being tied up by a man with white, fluffy ears.

At first, Sasuke laughs at the ridiculousness. The quick repartee, the teasing by the White Rabbit, and the Mad Hatter's bumbling display. Then, though, the King of Spades enters. He has dark hair, dark eyes, and a wicked grin. The blond, small Alex is twisting from the teasing and this excites the King even more. It excites Sasuke too because suddenly his hand is on his cock, imagining himself as the king and brutalizing someone. To have them want you so bad that they don't care if you make them bleed and are excited by it, it's irresistible.

Suddenly, though, he hears the front door open. Itachi is home. Itachi is home _early_. "Sasuke!" Itachi calls from downstairs. Sasuke looks at himself and then the screen and he is still so hard. And does that make him gay? Should it even matter now because he can hear Itachi on the stairs? "Sasuke, I need to talk to you," Itachi says almost angrily. And then Sasuke remembers the fight and it must have gotten back to Itachi. And how does he stop the video? How does he hide his boner?

And as he hears the knob turn but the door not give, Sasuke groans. Now he looks suspicious. But he'll play it off. Anyway, Itachi will understand that a teenager needs to beat off from time to time. And hell, what was he thinking? "I'll be out in a minute." Sasuke struggles to say over his arousal. The working of the knob stops and is followed by a despondent:

"Okay."

If Sasuke had to credit Itachi with anything, it's quickly understanding a situation. Trying to keep as quiet as possible, Sasuke finishes, imagining himself buried deep in his personal, submissive Alex. He cleans up as quickly as he can, carefully hiding the DVD in the corner of his closet. Eventually he makes it to the door, entirely disheveled, and faces a quietly seething Itachi on the other side.

"Want to tell me why you got into fight?" Itachi asks in his passive tone that means he's pissed. Sasuke tries to play it cool, leaning on the doorjamb in an aloof manner. But he can still feel the tingling in his gut left over from orgasm and, thus, he can't really be aloof at all. He is so thoroughly embarrassed he kind of hopes the world may open up and swallow him whole in that very moment.

"Suigestu got into the fight, I tried to break it up."

Itachi hardens his glare. He's not buying it. Sasuke bares his teeth, a rush of adrenaline invading his system. "You're not my mother," Sasuke bursts, "I keep my grades up and I follow your lame curfew—so what if I got into one fight? That wasn't outlined in the deal and you know it." Since when did Sasuke get so angry? He just feels absolutely furious at this moment and it's exciting. He feels the wrath hot in his blood, burning a few micrometers below his skin.

"I expect you to be responsible," Itachi counters, his voice raising a hair in volume. He is also getting closer in his fury and Sasuke notes the feminine beauty in Itachi's features that contrast sharply with the strength of his eyes.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "Oh fuck you." He spits.

And then Itachi hits him across the face. Sasuke falls back a little, holding his cheek. "Do you want to be some vagrant?" Itachi asks mockingly, sounding a bit crazed, "Do you want to live your life jumping through loopholes? Do you even want to know how I found out about the fight? They told dad- the school called dad and he called me today. He threatened to cut you off!"

Sasuke stares at Itachi, dumbfounded by the emotional outburst. Then he feels stupid and severely worthless. From one fight, one show of weakness, his father would disown him. Itachi can be gay and perverted, but Sasuke can't even lose his temper. Suddenly he's fighting back tears but it quickly returns to anger. Anger at the unfairness and how Itachi always wins.

The younger charges forward, taking Itachi by surprise and slamming him into the wall. Their faces are close, so close Sasuke can taste the coffee on Itachi's breath. He can also make out the concern in his family member's features and that maybe the punch had been the only way Sasuke would understand. So Sasuke lets go, letting Itachi settle back on his feet. They stand their awkwardly, Sasuke trying valiantly to regulate his breathing. Itachi clears his voice a couple times, his gaze roaming the corridor a little before resting on Sasuke's trembling features. "Even if he disowns you," Itachi says, reaching out and grabbing Sasuke's hand: "I'll still take care of you. No matter what dad thinks: blood is blood and I won't ever leave you like that. Maybe knock some sense into you, sure, but never leave you."

Then why'd you leave all those years ago? Sasuke wants to ask, but instead he clutches the warm fingers now in his own. So many thoughts are rushing through his head: so many fears and portents. And mainly, as he presses into Itachi's embrace, tucking his head beneath his sibling's chin, he wonders why he never feels this right except with Itachi. Maybe he never met the right girl or the right man yet. And maybe he never will.

"I love you," Sasuke whispers, apologizing in those three words. Itachi returns them, tucking a kiss by Sasuke's temple. They embrace for a few more minutes until Itachi mentions he has to go back to the office. He leaves a few bucks so that Sasuke can order out whatever he wants.

"Is this positive reinforcement for getting into fights?" Sasuke jokes, taking the tendered cash.

Itachi smiles a little, the twitch of the lips very becoming on him. "This is so you won't slam me into anymore walls." Sasuke blushes a little bit at the mention, but pockets the cash. He waves his brother good bye and returns to his room.

He finds the DVD where he left it. Staring at it, he wonders why he even bothered with it. It just caused so many problems and so many questions. Was Sasuke gay just because he found that arousing? Or was he just human? Technically he had imagined himself as the man 'pitching', so couldn't he still be straight? He doesn't know and he probably never will.

And above all, why did he feel himself getting excited all over again with Itachi?

Sasuke feels sick, refusing to order out food. Instead he takes a nap, dreaming of fucking men with long hair and tight asses. He can't ever make out their faces nor anything really defining. He just fucks them until he wakes up at 9 to the sound of Itachi coming home and talking on the phone. "Look my brother lives here, that's why you can't come over." A pause and then, "Yes, I do still love you, but that doesn't mean I have to-" another pause, "Good bye."

Sasuke wonders briefly if that's Itachi's boyfriend. He wonders what he looks like, if he trembles beneath his brother or if his brother opens up to him. Does Itachi lay there, keening for release? Has he ever begged?

Sasuke falls asleep and this time undoubtedly dreams of Itachi.

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><p>Read and review please!<p>

I hope you liked it, this is the longest so far. And don't worry, Sasuke becomes a lot cooler later and less of a whiny bitch. Character development of teenagers is always so disappointing. Angst, angst, and more angst. D:


	5. The Middle 2

Is this another chapter? What? I am posting so fast (it's because I'm awesome).

And just because I want to babble about why I'm so happy- I'm going home for Columbus Day weekend! 5 hour bus ride and then crowded, commuter train for an hour? I am so excited. But I get to see my cat and the prices won't be so expensive (3 dollar soda, man, I feel so poor in the city).

ALSO, if you're still reading this, I'm looking for a nice **beta** for an own story (so it's not fanfiction and it's actually hetero and, well, nothing like what I write on here). So if you're interested in critiqueing me and telling me I suck and then me thanking you profusely because I need all the criticism I can get, PM me :)

WARNINGS: Sasuke is a loser. der.

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

Months pass. How many? Sasuke can tell you but he doesn't feel like counting. Ever since Sasuke's self-discovery and consequent interests shift, he has been suffering from terrible insomnia. If it wasn't for Itachi's abundant concern, Sasuke would be happy remaining an insomniac. It would have meant he didn't have to sleep. It would have meant he didn't have to dream- dream about his brother and all the nasty things he wants to do to him.

But Sasuke is a good boy, regardless of what his father says. Sasuke actually has straight A's and, despite his trials, scored very well on the SAT. Sasuke runs track and is one of the fastest in the 100m dash. He can even throw the javelin a fair distance. On top of all that, Sasuke isn't a total jack ass. Sure he is a little aloof and, admittedly, preoccupied, but he simply oozes chivalry from his pores; much to the female population's love and male rivals' displeasure. Thus, Sasuke Uchiha is as perfect as a junior can get.

That is if you don't count the incestuous feelings towards his brother.

Sasuke sits in history class, listening to Mr. Hatake drone on and on about Vietnam. Sasuke can care less because the AP exams are over. Hatake is only doing this because he doesn't want to have to deal with rowdy children being bored with nothing to do. The youngest Uchiha grunts and leans further back in his chair, trying very hard to interpret Kakashi's bumbling definition of guerilla warfare.

Suigetsu interrupts his efforts by jabbing him in the shoulder from behind with his pen. Sasuke looks back, his black orbs narrowed at the smiling, pale ones of his best friend. "You want to hang out?" Suigestsu asks, his sharp teeth creating a quasi-smile.

Sasuke looks at him and then sighs: "Can't: I made plans with Juugo."

"You guys have gotten pretty close," Suigetsu counters, well aware he won't get invited now. Sasuke and Juugo have become pretty tight knit, especially after Christmas. Sure, Suigetsu and Sasuke still hang out, but after Sasuke stayed with Juugo that one week through New Years, the other pair seems inseparable. "Guess you don't kiss and tell," Suigetsu says with laughter in his voice, leaving Sasuke to his thoughts.

Imperceptibly, Sasuke jumps. It's just a little shake, a small quivering in the fibers of his deltoids. Suigetsu doesn't know, Sasuke reassures himself. But he doesn't like how close to the mark he had gotten: joke or not. Mentally, Sasuke notes he has to distance himself from Juugo, if only until Suigetsu's suspicions lessen. Because I can't get caught, Sasuke reasons: because no one can know.

Later that day, Sasuke is sitting on the couch in Juugo's apartment, feet propped up on the glass coffee table and the Daily Show playing past his toes. There's a family portrait above the television, but it's not Juugo's family. Juugo had said that he likes it- that it adds style or some sense of familiarity. Juugo was an orphan. He never had a family and Sasuke supposes that the yellowed portrait is the closest he has ever gotten to having one.

Sasuke scoffs; he wishes he didn't have a family.

Then he wouldn't have to stay out until 12 at some ex-addicts house. Then he wouldn't have to have sex every night to drive away the need for his brother. Then he could concentrate in class. Then he could get his life back together. It's all Itachi's fault. But he'd be lying to himself if he believes that load of crap. Because Itachi is faultless and even his bad habits make Sasuke smile. Like how Itachi always cleans the dishes before he has dessert; how he always loads the flatware last into the dishwasher; and how he refuses to watch television after eleven so that he won't be tempted to stay up past midnight.

He also has a cute mole by his collar bone that is generally covered up by their grandfather's necklace that the eldest adorns. It's a beauty mark, technically, and Sasuke knows that it really does add to the beauty- the one imperfection make his brother look even more irresistible. A god with a weakness, a deity man can reach, but Sasuke still can't touch. Because he's a demon and they can never associate with higher beings like Itachi. Instead he sits at Juugo's house, smelling marijuana even though the man attests that he quit, and watching TV. until he decides to walk the four blocks home.

As the Daily Show comes back on, Juugo walks in, clad in a white undershirt and jeans. Sasuke can see him approach in the screen, the orange hair reflecting across Jon Stewart's nose. He walks around the side of the couch and stands casually between Sasuke and the television. His face is generally aloof, but now all the lines are hardened and the light smile is a grimace. "There's something you aren't telling me," Juugo accuses.

Sasuke shrugs. "What makes you say that?" He asks, leaning left to see around the mammoth of a man before him. However, the other shifts and Sasuke realizes TV time is over. He still has an hour to kill, though, and there is no way he's lingering outside for a whole fucking hour.

Juugo makes an expression that seems to say 'you should know', but Sasuke only quirks a dark eyebrow. "You're using me," Juugo finally intimates, his voice quieter and higher than he had meant it to be, "You're using me and I was okay with that. But before you finish with me, at least tell me why."

Sasuke feels his face drop, but only by a fraction, before he cocks his head a little. "I wasn't aware I was using anyone."

Juugo feels his face heat up and Sasuke can make out a throbbing vein by his friend's temple. Then, suddenly, the ginger lunges forward, effectively wrestling Sasuke to the couch. Normally Sasuke can hold his own in a fight, which, come to think of it, was why he had earned such respect from the upperclassman in the first place, but at the moment he can't. He feels a sharp elbow dig just below his collar bone and his wrists get pinned above his head. A furious, 200 pound man is above him, breath heavy and brow sweaty. Juugo is angry and doing everything in his power to stop himself from killing the younger man.

"Are you too much of a coward to tell your own friend why you're fucking him?" Juugo spits past clenched teeth. Sasuke feels spittle land on his cheek and can smell the reek of adrenaline. He feels the excited fluid rush through him too and he says back coolly:

"We agreed on this mutually. This is just a friends with benefits situation."

Juugo levels Sasuke with his eyes, but realizes the black orbs are unflinching. Finally, the older of the two breaks into a laughter that jolts through Sasuke's system. "I wanted you to tell me Sasuke," he manages, setting his face close after the chuckles subside: "But I heard you say his name while you fucked me. You whispered it real low, thinking I wouldn't hear, but I did," and Juugo presses his mouth by Sasuke's ear, his teeth scraping the shell as he speaks, "You're pretending I'm your fucking brother."

Suddenly, Sasuke gathers the strength he is renowned for and throws the offender off. Juugo makes an unsteady landing, but that's mostly caused by his horrible laughing. Sasuke wants to tell him he's wrong; he has to be lying. But he can tell that Juugo knows and he's angry and being defiant on Sasuke's part may not be the best idea. He also needs a place to stay anyway and so what if Juugo knows? One of the reasons Sasuke picked him for this in the first place was because Juugo can keep his mouth shut.

Finally, the older one regains composure, his anger having burned itself out. Sasuke takes the lapse of sanity to return to the subject, but on a more delicate note. "You're right, Juugo," and Sasuke decides appealing to Juugo may be his best option because this will put Sasuke higher in his favor. Not that Sasuke needs to be in anyone's favor, but it just so happens to align with his interests at the moment. "Now, Juugo, what do you suggest I do?"

And amidst the apathetic expression, a sardonic smile pierces the edges of indifference. Juugo's eyes regain some of their wrath, but it's controlled and channeled. "It's not my decision, Sasuke." And Juugo walks away, towards the little kitchenette. "It's all your decision Sasuke."

And maybe Juugo had intended it as a slight, but Sasuke realizes something. Before he had taken Itachi into account and his parents and society; yet it was only Sasuke's decision. He had the final say and if he wants something, he can take it. Hell, he can take it all he wants. So with that, he grabs his coat and leaves.

It's all his. He laughs, the sound reverberating against the buildings and the sparsely populated sidewalks of the sleepy city. It's all his.

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><p>Read and Review :)<p>

Also, I mentioned this above but because I like to repeat myself (I actually repeat myself a lot, I have really bad memory) : I'm looking for a nice **beta** for an own story (so it's not fanfiction and it's actually hetero and, well, nothing like what I write on here). So if you're interested in critiqueing me and telling me I suck and then me thanking you profusely because I need all the criticism I can get, PM me :)


	6. Interlude 2

Another (really short) chapter. I'll post a longer one later this week. Because, you know, I finished this story- it is all written out to the end! BUAHAHA.

I was also nice and put the last couple lines of the previous chappie because, hell, I got lost starting without the lead-in.

WARNINGS: More Uchiha angst.

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

And amidst the apathetic expression, a sardonic smile pierces the edges of indifference. Juugo's eyes regain some of their wrath, but it's controlled and channeled. "It's not my decision, Sasuke." And Juugo walks away, towards the little kitchenette. "It's all your decision Sasuke."

And maybe Juugo had intended it as a slight, but Sasuke realizes something. Before he had taken Itachi into account and his parents and society; yet it was only Sasuke's decision. He had the final say and if he wants something, he can take it. Hell, he can take it all he wants. So with that, he grabs his coat and leaves.

It's all his. He laughs, the sound reverberating against the buildings and the sparsely populated sidewalks of the sleepy city. It's all his.

He loses his nerve though when he's outside his brother's room. His hand is raised to push in, prepared to grab and stop any fight his brother may put up. Prepared, but not all the way- it's his brother, he is about to try to rape his _brother._ So Sasuke recedes to his room, deciding that he just can't do it. Even if Itachi is gay, he will never want to be with Sasuke and if Sasuke takes matters into his own hands, sure he'd get what he want, but would Itachi ever talk to him again? Can Sasuke survive another 8 or more years without his older brother?

Maybe before they had reunited, or even a year ago, he would have been able to let Itachi leave his life. But now he can't because it's so much more than lust, so much more than attraction. Sasuke loves Itachi and he wants Itachi to love him, too.

That night, Sasuke cries for the first time that year. He quivers as every bone seems to vibrate with his sobs. He shivers as every snivel wrenches a new part of his heart free. He's breaking. And he wants Itachi to walk through that door; he wants him to come to his rescue again and tell him everything is okay. Albeit ignorant, generic reassurance, Sasuke needs it more than air. But it never comes and he suffocates in his despair. Asking of the darkness and shadows: what should he do?

What should he do?

_What should he do?_

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><p>Read and review.<p>

The next chapter will be posted later this week (probably tomorrow, actually).


	7. Untitled

I feel you ought to know I'm procrastinating on homework to post this. Because I was taking a break and opened my inbox and had three people ask me to update and I can't say no! Well I could, but that's just so mean of me!

I'm also in an unbearably good mood because my sister got engaged! Who is going to be the best Maid of Honor ever? I am!

Also xxUchihacest , you'll find out, eventually ;) .

About three more chapters guys! You can last that long, right?

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

He got a job that summer; he even started before school let out. After Sasuke practically began living with Suigetsu, Suigetsu's mother put in a favor with Kabuto's boss, Orochimaru. Being the kind businessman that Orochimaru is, he immediately gave Sasuke the job as personal assistant. For the first month Sasuke was a bit put off by Orochimaru's advances, but by the second month he accepted it as part of the job. Then by the third, his own libido began to make him want to give in.

He didn't though.

Sasuke takes the T back to Itachi's apartment, reviewing the previous events. Orochimaru had cornered him in the break room, making some poor innuendo involving the donuts. Sasuke had only looked at Orochimaru's long hair that, even well cared for, did not compare to Itachi's, but Sasuke wouldn't mind using it, for practicing. No, not practicing, he had sworn off that route. He'd wait, until he was worthy, and then he'd make his move.

However, when Orochimaru had suggested Sasuke 'catch', Sasuke lost all interest. He had thought about that position, but once again, only Itachi could satisfy him that way. He doesn't know why, but his mind always circles back to his brother. His brother with sweet lips, pulled perpetually into a thoughtful frown and eyes so dark like his own but with an incomparable warmth. His brother who is his brother and, as it appears, can be nothing more.

As if fate is playing its hand against him, Sasuke steps into the apartment quietly and can make out whimpers. They're coming from upstairs and they are definitely Itachi's. Sasuke pauses in the kitchen, pressing his ear to the invisible barrier one erects when they fear detection. They're broken protests, he notes, and Sasuke can even feel the tears in his brother's voice as Itachi calls out again: "stop, I…."

Then, the moan that follows is indisputable, and the grunt that follows is from someone else. Sasuke finds himself rushing up the stairs, but not making any noise noise. Because he is terrified of what he might find but yet some part of him hopes that this is what his brother enjoys. Some part of him hopes this will justify his future actions. But as he presses close to the door, peeking through the two-inch crack, he realizes that maybe he isn't crazy after all and justification isn't a far-off dream.

Itachi is riding a rather large man who's skin is paler than most, a sickly sort of pallor to be honest. His brother's legs are bent underneath him and working to keep rhythm, but the man below him is bucking his hips faster and faster. To gain a better angle, Itachi's back is arched and his lips are caught between his lips so that he muffles himself. All his ribs are showing in that pose and the muscles in his arms and legs are taut. Hell, Sasuke can probably count every myofibril as they move beneath the flawless skin, simply taking whatever the larger man gives.

Sasuke feels himself become aroused. His jeans become tight and the middle of his palms itch. Erring on the side of caution, he goes into his room and sits in the corner that can't be seen when the door opens. He palms himself, letting his thumb brush his tip as he thinks back on Itachi. Itachi riding Sasuke, working to please him and match him. Itachi having to bite his lips to keep from screaming because he's really a screamer; despite his composure, he is very loud in bed. And when Itachi hits his orgasm, he'd lean down and kiss Sasuke, spilling himself over Sasuke's stomach as he clenches hard and then releases. The smell of his essence and the musk of his skin will encapsulate Sasuke just before he too climaxes.

And Sasuke pulls his hand away, admiring the sticky fluid now dripping between his fingers. He presses it his mouth, imagining that Itachi's cum would taste the same as his. It's horribly bitter though and he quickly crosses 'blowjobs' off of his mental list of things he can do.

For what feels like hours, Sasuke sits in the sheltered corner of his room. His back cramps up. His legs cramp up. His arms cramp up. However, he holds his position because he fears any noise will give him away. That if he so much as sneezes, Itachi will discover his voyeurism and, thus, all future chances will be lost. Sasuke would also lose the steady stream of delicious noise his brother is issuing in the room over. Sasuke is also very happy to note that Itachi never mentions a name.

In some part of Sasuke, a horrible, malignant sort of hope is born.

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><p>read and review 3<p>

(And I did this update instead of my International Business homework because I'm _that_ dedicated.)


	8. Untitled 2

What is this? Another update?

And you may be wondering why I just don't update everything at once- I mean, come on, it's all written. Well that's where you're wrong. It's not all written- I'm adding an epilogue. An awesome epilogue that I really hope you appreciate because I was going to leave a major cliffhanger (not in the plot way...like character-wise, does that make sense?) Well whatever, I'm writing the epilogue to rectify this cliffhanger and because I'm in the mood for a happy ending, for once.

I also want to thank all the great reviews I've gotten (especially Chrissie Guenever, you're so sweet :D). I wish I thanked all of you guys sooner!

WARNINGS: angsty Uchihas and intended confusion, buahaha

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

"It never came up."

Silence ensues. A horrible heavy silence that chokes every breath and rides roughly over the tongue; a silence so well known to the two youths, they hardly notice. They only feel the tightness, the constriction of the void space. Sasuke watches Itachi carefully from across the table, waiting for a better explanation than the one provided. The older brother is reticent and he begins to move his phone on the table so that it is further from the edge. It flashes with a new text: from Kisame, Itachi's now very recent ex-boyfriend.

"Never came up?" Sasuke repeats, drawing that silence in until he has consumed it. The heaviness starts in his lungs and then fills his muscles. He coils within himself until he springs outwards. The heels of his palms slam on the table, the chair skitters backwards as he stands abruptly. "Never came up!" He screams in near hysterics, "I deserve to know!"

Itachi remains impassive and some of his nervousness has fled. He looks up, past long eyelashes and uncombed hair. "And here I thought you already did." Sasuke can feel the accusation in the statement. By the way Itachi rolls his head so that it lands comfortably in his palm, watching Sasuke casually from across the table, his brother obviously knows that he knew for a long time. "My only question is how come you never told me?"

Sasuke feels his mind reel, but a few gears click. "It never came up."

Not a moment longer, the younger leaves the apartment altogether with nowhere to go. He catches himself walking to Juugo's, but he's not welcome there anymore. He can only go to Suigetsu's, but he's unwilling. Suigetsu will know something is up and then Sasuke's secret will spill out even further, to even more people. Instead Sasuke takes the T to the MFA, but he never goes in. Only sits on the steps and waits for the fear to go away.

It never does.

He eventually leaves at 10 p.m.

Life continues spiraling from there. Sasuke finds himself many times (too many to count) in front of Itachi's bedroom door, prepared to knock and to go in and to apologize. At night, when Itachi is working late and Sasuke had the earlier shift, he'll wait at the kitchen table. But when the door knob begins to turn, Sasuke flees to his room. And he'll sit in front of his computer, straining to hear the sounds from the kitchen. It's only ever the mundane sounds of eating, but he always fears he'll hear someone else with his brother- that his brother will leave him behind.

Eventually, the avoidance stops. Talk resumes to normal and the world is right again. Of course, this isn't the truth, but Sasuke has tamed his wildly beating heart and chaotically flowing hormones enough to be civil to Itachi in this forced attrition. He never brings himself to apologize, but Itachi hasn't brought himself around to it either. So on a boring Saturday, where it's too rainy to leave, the two brothers sit on the couch, watching television in a peaceable sort of way.

Sasuke isn't really watching the show. Instead he's trying to discern his brother's expression from the reflection on the screen. Itachi doesn't look interested and his shoulders are pulled a little forward, which generally means he's stressed about something. Casually, Sasuke leans back to better assess his brother's body language. However, the minute he stretches backwards, Itachi's eyes lock with his. They look a little lost before turning back to the programme.

The younger leans forward again, resting his elbows on his knees. He runs a hand through his brother's loosened locks, coaxing another look. "You okay?" Sasuke asks, knowing he's walking the border between brotherly and incestual love.

"I'm fine," Itachi manages, but his throat is scratchy.

Sasuke looks a little harder at the face he knows so well. The face he's watched discreetly from across the table. The face he has dreamt of smiling at him every day. The face he sometimes sees in the mirror when the pain becomes too much. Because Sasuke loves Itachi and he can't, no matter what, get him out of his head. "Is it because of him?" Sasuke asks, referring to Itachi's latest ex-boyfriend.

Itachi shakes his head, leaning forward a little as well, but staring blankly ahead. "Someone else," he murmurs, "I love them, but I feel like they don't love me. Like I'm not good enough."

Sasuke has to stop himself from laughing at the last remark. "Bullshit," Sasuke retorts, getting needlessly close to Itachi as he continues, "You're the closest to perfection I ever met." And he means it with all his heart. So when Itachi turns to look at him, a small smile on his features and a whispered thank you on his lips, Sasuke can't stop himself and leans forward- sealing the gratitude between them.

Itachi's eyes widen, his mouth forming a small 'o' before Sasuke dives in with his tongue. Suddenly a hand is on his shoulder, gently pressing him back, but not too harshly. Itachi isn't putting up much of a fight, Sasuke notes dully, pressing further and harder into Itachi's soft resistance. Then Sasuke hears his phone ring. And with that incessant ringing, far off but so familiar, Sasuke remembers that there's a world out there- beyond the here and now- a world with consequences.

He pulls away, looking wide-eyed at his brother. Itachi, for his part, remains collected. "What was that, Sasuke?" He asks with a tempered beat. Sasuke can hear his phone still ringing and the blood pounding in his head. He can still taste Itachi on him and it's all rushing to his groin. And what was that, Sasuke? Why did you do that, Sasuke? Why did you have to fuck everything up Sasuke?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

"I hate you!" He screams in his older brother's face, rising from his seat. Anger is hot and searing in his system. Sasuke can't have what he wants and Sasuke still wants what he wants. And what he wants is right in front of him, refusing to acknowledge any of his desires. It's because Itachi knows Sasuke can't have what he wants. It's because Itachi understands that Sasuke has to stop. It's why he doesn't care and continues to look at him with feigned concern, asking for an explanation.

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Sasuke feels heat rise up the back of his neck. "I hate you," he repeats, pointedly in his brother's face; "You just don't give a shit about anyone but yourself."

At that, Sasuke runs away, again, leaving a bewildered Itachi in his wake. All he can hear is the blood rushing through his ears and feel a heaviness in his groin. Sasuke wants the conflict to go away, slamming open the door to his room as if it would dispel the confusion. But it doesn't, his phone still ringing away on the corner of his desk. Sasuke runs over to where his phone is, picking the call up right before it goes to voicemail. It's Juugo. "Hey, I know we haven't talked in awhile…" the upperclassman starts, but Sasuke sees his opportunity and finishes for him.

"I'm coming over."

And he runs the four blocks to Juugo's place, in the pouring rain. He had forgotten his shoes in his haste, but he could care less. Sasuke more or less mauls Juugo as he's let in, grappling to get off every article of clothing between them. "Someone missed me," Juugo prods.

Sasuke bites Juugo's shoulder, making him howl.

"Get naked," He demands, beginning to feel the tension between his shoulders unwind and the thoughts in his head dull to a light, persuasive murmur. Itachi is far away now. Itachi is gone. Sasuke is here and Itachi is far, far away.

When all is said and done Sasuke doesn't return home for another two days, calling in sick Monday to work. Itachi tries his cell phone constantly in that span, but there's water damage and it doesn't really work. When Sasuke does come back, Itachi scolds him, lectures him. And Sasuke takes it well enough until he begins to cry, which he doesn't mean to do. Itachi holds him, like the times before, and tells him it's okay- he forgives him. They're brothers after all, neither can hold a grudge.

But Sasuke can never really forgive himself.

And when Itachi gets around to asking again, why Sasuke had done what he did, Sasuke can't really explain himself either.

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><p>Read and Review :)<p> 


	9. The End

Last chapter :)

Thanks to everyone who stuck with me through this! I hope you enjoyed it !

Also, I give total props to everyone who has ever done NaNoWriMo before. I'm trying for the first time and ohmygosh so much dedication...so...much... But if you are doing it, I am totally interested in knowing what your novels are about! Or if you've done it, what those were about!

p to the s, listening to Renegade by Styx

**Warning**: this is set after the very first part so it seems a bit out of place

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><p><strong>Fulcrum<strong>

Sometimes he wonders if it was fate that brought him to the point he's at. Sometimes he wonders if it was his parents. Sometimes he wonders if it's his disposition. Regardless of the cause, Sasuke finds himself having run away again. He finds himself in Juugo's apartment at 5 in the morning and trying to coax Juugo out of his clothes.

Juugo lets him play for awhile, but after one orgasm, he sends Sasuke out of the room. "I have class at 1 and I do need sleep," he excuses, shutting the door in Sasuke's face. Sasuke grunts, turning down the short hall towards the living room. As per ritual, he sits on the couch, watching TV, with his feet propped up on the coffee table. He checks his phone: 6 missed calls. Five are from Itachi and one is from Suigetsu.

He doesn't care though and pockets his phone.

Sasuke is in a sort of suspension for the next hour, immersing himself in the early morning anime on cartoon network. When a knock sounds on the apartment door, he's pulled from his stupor. He looks at the door, as if expecting Juugo to materialize and open it. The knocking keeps up though and Sasuke walks over, becoming increasingly aware of his state of undress. Well, he is wearing shorts, but that is about it. Hell he doesn't even have boxers on.

Sasuke peeks through the peep hole, only to get an eyeful of an infuriated Itachi and a slightly bashful Suigetsu. Sasuke sees their mouths moving, so he presses his ear to the door. He can make out Suigetsu saying that he's "sure this is Juugo's and, trust me, this is where Sasuke would go."

Itachi makes a disgruntled noise in return, starkly contrasting his normal stoic behavior. "He better be here. I need to talk to him."

At that admonition, Sasuke shrinks back from the door. There is no way in hell he is letting them in. When he thinks they've lost interest, the knocking starts up again at a raucous volume. So loud in fact that Juugo storms out of his room in a t-shirt and boxers and barks "who the hell do you think you are" as he opens the door.

Sasuke is frozen in his spot a few feet away, perfectly framed in the open doorway. He can see Itachi, his face now red and a bit of blood dotting the collar of his shirt from the wound Sasuke had inflicted upon him earlier. "Who the hell do you think you are keeping me from my brother?" Itachi counters, pushing his way into the apartment.

Juugo snarls: "if you want him, you can have him." And the upperclassman walks away, which would make his anger management coach swoon with happiness, but it only leaves Sasuke feeling uneasy.

Suigetsu tries to edge his way between the irate older brother and the obviously at-a-loss younger brother. Itachi is having none of it and Suigetsu finds himself stumbling back a pace. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Itachi shouts, his composure shot to shit. Sasuke watches the dark eyes he knows so well roiling with red, hot anger. He can see each muscle flex under the milky skin of Itachi's forearms. And he can make out the blood that's blossoming on Itachi's button-down shirt's collar. "Answer me!" Itachi roars.

Sasuke is searching for an answer, rifling through each filing cabinet in his head. He can tell the truth, one part reasons, because there isn't much else you can say. He won't forgive you this time. No matter what you say, you can't go back. He won't let you back in. He'll leave you because that's what he does. Itachi will leave you and be just fucking fine. What were you thinking, that you were important or something? That you _mattered_?

"SHUT UP!" Sasuke screams, more at the voice in his head than his brother, but he's still relieved to see Itachi's mouth has stopped moving. He can think a little better now and he takes some steadying breaths. The younger brother's eyes look up at Suigetsu who is edging towards Juugo's room down the hall. He jerks his head a little, baring his teeth some, and Suigetsu swiftly covers the rest of the distance into Juugo's room. Then, Sasuke returns his gaze to Itachi who, much to Sasuke's initial relief, is trying to regulate his erratic breathing as well. They're both highly strung.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke says gruffly. Itachi looks at him a long time, watching his expression with unrivaled delicacy. It's unnerving, being dissected on the spot, having his soul turned over and over in Itachi's mind. Is Sasuke worth enough to be forgiven? Is Sasuke acceptable? Or is Sasuke too wretched, too _dangerous_? Sasuke feels a lump form in his throat and he gags a little. The tears are back, but he refuses to shed them. He returns his brother's studying stare, his voice a little heavier than he meant it to be: "I'm sorry for loving you."

Minutely, Itachi's expression shifts. His eyes narrow before widening; his pupils actually dilate, but Sasuke doesn't catch it. The corners of his mouth draw further down, but only by a micrometer. And his nostrils flare a little. "I thought it was coming to this," Itachi admits. He looks at Sasuke, his expression now resembling some sort of pleading look Sasuke had only seen in his own reflection, when he had stayed up late wanting to do anything but the thinking and the dreaming. His heart breaks a little as Itachi's face turns away, his hand coming up and touching the wound that has soaked a quarter-sized ring on his work shirt. Itachi catches Sasuke staring and he makes a garbled sort of laugh: "It's not healing quickly."

Sasuke narrows his eyes, watching as the fingers press harder against the flesh as the body attached's nervousness increases. "Maybe because you play with it too much," Sasuke remarks.

"Maybe," Itachi whispers.

They stand there awkwardly until Itachi shoves his hands in his pockets and widens his stance a little. "I called Dad yesterday." At this Sasuke visibly stiffens. "He said he'd be willing to pay for you to go back to Japan, live there, and everything involved," Itachi swallows harshly, his face scrunching in concentration, "The only thing you have to do is approve which apartment his assistant picked. I think it's near Naruto's and school."

Sasuke gnashes his teeth together, biting back his anger. He called their dad. More than likely, Itachi had, in a very round-a-bout manner, let on that Sasuke had went crazy with living in America. It would be the only reason as to why he was being so readily sent back to Japan, on his own. Hide the crazy son, what a wonderful, fucking family tradition.

"What's the assistant's number?" Sasuke asks. Itachi hands him a business card from his pocket with a number scribbled on the back. It's not even Itachi's handwriting, or it's just so much sloppier than his usual that Sasuke can't recognize it. "And where am I staying in between."

Itachi shifts a little. "You're always welcome home, but Suigetsu's mom offered to put you up for the two weeks. It's your choice."

Sasuke feels the tears again and the anger all at once. He is beginning to make out the conversation down the hall between his two friends and he can hear them laughing. His fist clenches, the paper crumpling pliantly. Itachi watches him with guarded concern. Concern he doesn't deserve because Sasuke is nothing but a monster now and the blood that's gliding sensuously down Itachi's neck by the opening of his collar just proves it. Because all Sasuke wants to do is lick it and everything else if _that will make the pain go away_.

"And if I choose the apartment, will you be there?"

"I'll be staying at a friend's." Itachi says in monotone.

And Sasuke hates himself even more. If he just had an ounce of control (or an ounce of decency), he wouldn't be in this mess. "You didn't tell anyone?" Sasuke finally hazards.

"No" Itachi replies quickly, his hands moving a little in his pockets. Juugo is laughing now and Sasuke can feel it through the floorboards and in his feet.

"I'll be by later today to pick up my stuff." Sasuke says, looking everywhere but at Itachi. Because Itachi looks remorseful and a little hurt. And all Sasuke wants to do is cry and find comfort in the arms that are tensed with trepidation right now. All he wants is Itachi and that's the last thing he'll ever have.

"Just leave your key on the coffee table." Itachi advises.

It's all precaution so Sasuke won't come back. It's all precaution so that Sasuke won't come back and ruin Itachi's life and his body and his damned _everything_. Sasuke hates himself because he can't stop Itachi as he leaves. He hates himself more because, really, Sasuke is the one who is leaving.

And Sasuke is in the same spot when Suigetsu comes out, inviting Sasuke back to his place. He even tosses a jacket he had brought with him knowing Sasuke would be lacking in the clothing department. "You coming?" Suigetsu asks, leaning in to examine his friend's stony expression.

It breaks though when Sasuke quirks his eyebrow and smirks in his trademark way, "You still an idiot?"

Suigetsu claps him on the shoulder. "I'll take that as a yes."

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><p>Read and review and have a jolly good day!<p> 


	10. Epilogue

THE PROMISED EPILOGUE

I may revisit this and clean it up later, but at the moment I'm swamped and wanted to post this before I entirely forgot about it :) The reason I'm so busy is that I'm doing NaNoWriMo this month, I have finals in a few weeks, and, starting in December, I have an awesome internship that is paid by hits and views on a video channel I'll be running. I'll drop the link on my profile or spam my stories with it just to be persistent so you guys can be totally awesome and help a fellow author/student out.

**Warnings**: something akin to closure

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><p>Fulcrum, epilogue<p>

Sasuke goes to university in Japan, or, rather, he will be. He got into M University with a full scholarship, largely thanks to his exceptional grades Senior Year and exemplary volunteerism. He pretty much lost touch with all of his family, even though he feels his mom has tried to reach him. He feels ill when he thinks about it- her trying to reach him, but his father stopping her. "He's not safe," he'll excuse and she'll believe him because she loves him.

What a stupid, blind love.

Sasuke is in his apartment, bags all packed and by the door. He sent a lot of stuff ahead of him and right now he's waiting for a chauffeur his father sent to take him to M university. Personally, he'd rather take his motorcycle and risk his bags, but his father (or really his father's assistant since Sasuke hasn't had direct communication with his progenitor in a year) planned otherwise. Consequently, Sasuke is lounging on his green sofa, staring listlessly at a blank, black television screen.

A knock sounds at the door, stirring Sasuke lethargically from his seat. He checks his watch, confused about why the chauffeur would arrive a half an hour early, but decides not to question the fates. Sasuke opens the door, reaching for his bag as he does so, but, rather than receiving the formal greeting he had expected, Sasuke is shoved backwards. He stumbles, mentally complimenting himself for not falling, and is forced to crouch low to retain balance. Looking up from his position, with a cool, confused anger infusing his eyes with red, murky rage; he can see the instigator.

The instigator has broad shoulders and a white button down shirt. His slacks are perfectly ironed and lightly caress the strong muscles in his legs. His hair is dark, his skin pale, and there is a light scar that peaks right past the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. There is also a tortured, tight expression on his face that melts Sasuke's heart at once. It's the same one Sasuke wore on the plane ride back to Japan. "Itachi, what are you…"

"Just shut up," Itachi roars, heaving Sasuke into a standing position and backing him up. Sasuke feels himself looking for escapes because Itachi is determined about _something_ and Sasuke hopes to hell it isn't determined to get _revenge_.

Sasuke swallows thickly, trying to put the couch between him and his brother. "Look, Itachi, I thought we cleared the air on this." This brings Itachi to an abrupt halt, leaving him standing at the edge of the couch, Sasuke only being a pace away. Sasuke can see the quivering in Itachi's biceps as his fists clench and knuckles turn white. "Itachi?" Sasuke coaxes, feeling uncertain. He also feels horribly vulnerable because, even with this crazy, possibly murderous Itachi, Sasuke is unequivocally attracted to his brother.

"You left." Itachi finally manages past gritted teeth. And then the onslaught of words starts. "You left and you didn't even _fight_ to stay. You just took the shit dad gave you and left. I thought you were better than that Sasuke. But I had to look under every god-forsaken rock to find you. Every damned one. Because you're hiding. Hiding from me and from mom."

"I wasn-" Sasuke starts, but Itachi suddenly closes the distance.

"You left us!" he clarifies, Sasuke able to see all the points of rage in his face due to the closer proximity. He can see the bags under his eyes and the deeper worry lines about his mouth. Sasuke can also feel anger rising hotly within him because

"I didn't leave like I had a choice! You told me to!"

"I gave you an option!" Itachi counters, face getting closer and teeth bared. Sasuke can smell the coffee on his breath; how long has he been awake?

Sasuke presses his forehead into Itachi's, feeling the skin and bone grate as he pushes in harshly, his breath teasingly playing across Itachi's lips. Innately, they realize they're the same height now. "You didn't give me a fucking option- you gave me a mandate. And I took it!"

Itachi pushes back hard and slow, so that Sasuke can hear the grinding in his skull. It rolls across all the fissures in his brain, making each nerve hyper sensitive. Itachi growls lightly as he prods dangerously, "Why?"

"Because I love you!" Sasuke finds himself shouting, hating himself because the emotions and passions behind it had not diminished over the years. But he's surprised to feel a warm pressure on his lips and a hand in his hair pulling him in. He's surprised to feel the heat of his brother encapsulate him as they become impossibly close in the kiss- a kiss Sasuke is too confused to return.

Itachi pulls away a little, one hand holding Sasuke's face. His eyes search Sasuke's for any protest or anything telling, but only sees the beginning glaze of lust and the spark of want. "I'm sorry for being a coward, but I knew what I wanted was bad and I thought- I thought maybe you were just playing into what I wanted. Because you're pretty selfless Sasuke and you always tried so _hard_ to please me and dad. I just didn't know if it was genuine and I didn't want you throwing your life and reputation away for-"

And Sasuke captures his lips in a bruising, dizzying passion. "Explain later, sex now," Sasuke demands, nipping at his brother's lower lip. Itachi makes a noise of protest before pushing back. They fight for dominance, hands pushing and tugging as one tries to maneuver the other. Sure, it's nothing like Sasuke's dreams, but he'll take it. Hell, he'll take all he can get.

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><p>Read, review, and have an awesome day! Also, listen to Hotblooded by Foreigner if you can't heard it before!<p> 


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